Dating Sucks
by Iheartlovinglove
Summary: It has been forever since Sam and Freddie have been out on a Saturday night, so being the caring friend Carly is she decides to set them up on a blind triple date...or maybe a double?
1. Dateless at Carly's

**I don't own iCarly (but it would be so sweet if I did). **

Sam's Point of View

Ah, another night at the Shay's. I plop down onto the couch with a huge bowl of popcorn and start flipping through the channels with the remote. Yep, it is my Saturday night ritual. It starts with helping Carly get dressed for a big date with the boy of the month, this month the star of the basketball team Derek. After watching her try on thousands of outfits it is time to listen to Spencer ramble on about some new chick he was taking to an art exhibit and something about pudding. An hour in it's time to refuse to go home because my mom is doing something weird or our refrigerator only consist of water and some sort of purple goop. Finally, I wave good-bye as they go have lives and I am stuck eating snacks and watching crappy infomercials. Yep, dating sucks, especially if you are dateless. I mean I have been on dates before but it usually ends up bad. Either the guy is running out of the restaurant because he made the awful mistake of touching something on my plate or he is leaving the movie theater soaked in soda because he was too careless to get extra butter on the popcorn at the movies (a must of course). Oh, and lets not forget ending up in the emergency room with a broken arm because instead of taking me home he decides to drive to an empty parking lot to make-out. So basically, I have not had the best luck in the dating game so here I am…alone on a couch… on a Saturday night. Once again dating sucks.

**Here is the first chapter ****J**** it is short but the chapters will start to get longer. **


	2. Alone on a Laptop

**I do not own iCarly. **

Freddie's Point of View

"Yeah, I'm fine mom. Okay, I will and I love you too," I hung up the phone and sighed. Mom is out working the night shift, Carly is out with that guy from fencing club, and Sam is probably out on some crime spree. And what am I doing? I am sitting on the couch with my laptop on a Saturday night once again. Girls are too busy killing each other over Shane, dating star basketball players and artsy musicians to give me the time of day. The last date I went on was with Shannon (I know, I was desperate though!) And that was just…awful. She kept complaining about how everything in the restaurant had a face so she could only eat salad but the salad had dressing that would ruin her figure blah la snore. I ended up driving to three darn places just to find something she would eat! Then she insisted on coming back to my place to watch chick flicks and attack me on my own couch. I know guys should love the chance to make-out with a pretty girl on their couch but not when she is trying to bite your lips off! I have not been in the dating game for a while and I have to say it sucks.

**Okay, I know these first two chapters have been short, but please keep reading, they get longer : )**


	3. Out of the House this Saturday

**I do not own iCarly. **

"When exactly is the last time you two have been out on a Saturday night," Carly asked while the trio stood at her locker Monday morning. Freddie began to speak but Carly interrupted saying, "Going to knitting club at the community center with your mom does not count." Freddie sighed and Sam laughed until Carly said "Neither does being in my loft eating all of my food."

"That stings Carls," Sam playfully frowned while tripping a passing by Gibby.

"Why do you keep doing that? We are juniors in high school, can you try being nicer to me," Gibby said as he picked himself off the ground.

"No," Sam growled and Gibby ran off bumping into students as he went.

"And I wonder why Sam can't get a date," Freddie joked shortly before being punched in the arm.

"That is enough you two," Carly said, returning to her point, "We are young! We are supposed to be out having fun on Saturday nights! We are not," Sam intercepts here and says, "Old and lonely like Freddie's crazy mother." Carly gave Sam a stern look and Sam gave her a look as if to say _okay I will shut up now. _

"My point is, this Saturday I will not be the only one going out," Carly smiled.

"What," Freddie and Sam said simultaneously.

"That's right, I've asked Derek to invite one of his friends for you Sam and I asked a girl from student government to come for you Freddie," Carly smiled.

"I'm not too sure about this Carly," Freddie stated with an unsure look on his face.

"Come on guys, what do you have to lose," Carly reasoned.

Sam's thoughts

_It has been forever since I have been out on a date. I mean, how bad could it be, Carly will be there and if the guy is a jerk I can just make fun of Freddie and the nub he is stuck with. Anyway, it is a free meal. _

Freddie's thoughts

_It has been forever since I have been out on a Saturday with a girl; well that is not my mom. I mean, how bad could it get, Carly will be there and if the girl is a nub at least I will some entertainment watching Sam torment her poor date. _

"It's cool with me Carls," Sam smirked and pulled some beef jerky out of her pocket.

"Yeah, it sounds great, thanks," Freddie, agreed.

"Great! Well, I have to get going, I'm tutoring at the community center today," Carly waved and left the two.

"Ew," Sam and Freddie said to each other, stuck there tongues out and walked out the door in opposite directions.

**Okay here is chapter 3! I read Mizufae's The Sparkle Pants Ruse story and Carly was in the student government so I thought I'd have her in it here too (it is a really funny story by the way so you guys should check it out). Keep reading there is more to come! : ) **


	4. You Look Cute, Now Get in the Car

**I do not own iCarly.**

"Carly, are you sure about this," Sam asked her best friend as they got ready for their triple date.

"Yeah, your date is going to be a really nice guy, I promise," Carly smiled as she finished curling her long dark hair. Carly wore a dark denim mini skirt with a red cami and short sleeve red and black button up. Her lips were reddened with Mark lip-gloss, Sam had no clue lip gloss even came in different brands, and she wore black Jessica Simpson heels.

"You look nice Carls," Sam said as she snacked on some ham she brought up to the room.

"Thanks Sam. When are you going to start getting ready," Carly turned to her friend and looked at her attire. Sam was wearing jeans stained with mustard and chili and a Charlie the Unicorn tee shirt she stole from Gibby last week. Sam had claimed it was too tight for him anyway.

"What's wrong with what I am wearing," Sam asked as she stood up and dropped ham on the baggy shirt she was wearing.

"No," Carly said sternly.

"But," Sam complained.

"I said No," Carly said and grabbed the blonde's hand and drug her into the bathroom to scrub the meat residue off her hands. After fifteen minutes of struggling, Sam, by force, was in a pair of jean shorts, a light blue short puffy sleeved top and light blue and white Mary Jane wedge heels.

"This is stupid," Sam huffed.

"Be quiet, you look adorable. Well, I will meet you and Freddie at Blue Hummingbird," Carly smiled and began walking down the stairs to leave.

"Yes! That place has the best burgers and…wait…Carly," Sam yelled and rushed down the stairs, tripping on the last one.

"Ow," She rubbed her arm and stood up. "Where are you going?"

"Well Derek has some errands to run before we go to the restaurant and he asked If I would tag along," Carly shrugged and opened the front door.

"How come I can't just go with you guys," Sam asked.

"Derek drives a two-seater," Carly explained.

"Well, why can't basketball boy or government girl come pick me up," Sam asked.

"His name is Chris and he lives closer to Elena so he is already picking her up. It would just be easier if you would just ride with Freddie," Carly said and walked out the door.

Sam's thoughts

_Great! Now I have to ride with the dork on my first Saturday night out in weeks. _

Sam walked across the hall and knocked on Freddie's door.

"Open up Benson," Sam yelled and continued knocking, even when he opened the door.

"Ow! Sam stop knocking my face," Freddie hollered. He opened the door further and allowed the girl in.

"What are you doing here anyways? I was hoping the poor sucker Derek picked out for you would have forgotten to pick you up and the rest of us could have a good time," Freddie said as he closed the door back.

"Shut up nerd! I am only here because Carly insisted you give me ride to Blue Hummingbird," Sam scowled.

"Yes! That place has the best burgers," Freddie exclaimed excitingly.

"I know! Just thinking about it makes me hungry," Sam smiled. Realizing that they were agreeing on something she said, "Nice shirt, did your mommy pick it out."

"If you must know, Carly told me I looked nice in this color and told me to wear it," Freddie said. He wore a light blue AE button up shirt with his long sleeves rolled to his elbows and a pair of dark jeans.

"Well then I guess you do not look like a complete nerd then," Sam responded. _He actually cleans up pretty good, _she thought.

"It is clear I am not the only one she dressed," Freddie looked Sam over.

"Shut up dork," Sam yelled feeling insecure, well for half a second.

"Calm down freak, you look cute," Freddie said as he watched her face scrunch up in a mixture of confusion and anger. _Yeah, look at that confused look on her face because I called her cute, _Freddie thought. He had learned over the years that when the arguments are beginning to turn physical, as in Sam is about to jump at his throat, saying something to throw her off will either distract or delay the reaction. _She does look nice, but she has always been pretty, _he continued to think.

"I'm hungry, lets go," Sam said regaining her composure and throwing Freddie's keys at him.

They were in Freddie's car and on the way to the restaurant. "Sam, stop messing with the radio," Freddie looked over at Sam for a second then right back to the road.

"No, I have to find a song I can shake it to," Sam said while wiggling around.

"You better not shake anything in my car and just settle on a station already," Freddie said jokingly.

Sam was bored with the radio and left it alone. A song started playing.

_Baby seems we never ever agreeYou like the moviesAnd I like T.V.I take thing serious_

"That is totally you Freddork, always taking everything serious like you have a stick in you're a-" Sam started.

_And you take 'em light_

_you go to bed earlyAnd I party all night_

"Yeah, and that is you, and one day you are going to take things too light and party too hard and end up working at that Chili dump," Freddie laughed.

The song continued to play while the two pointed each other out in the lyrics and joked.

_I take--2 steps forwardI take--2 steps backWe come togetherCuz opposites attractAnd you know--it ain't fictionJust a natural factWe come togetherCuz opposites attractWho'd a thought we could be lovers_

And here is where they stop laughing. The lyrics sink in, making the situation very awkward and uncomfortable. "Stupid song," Sam says as she turns the station, "Lame oldie but goody stations."

"Yeah," Freddie coughed. "Insane monster."

"Overprotected nerd," Sam responds. _Much better, _the two think at the same time.

Freddie pulled into the parking lot and the two got out of the car.

"There," Freddie pointed, "I see Carly and Derek."

"Where are our dates," Sam asked and Freddie shrugged.

**Okay I hoped you like Chapter 4 : ) review and please leave any suggestions you have. Oh and that song was "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul. **


	5. I'm Stuck With You

**I Don't Own iCarly**

"What do you mean they didn't show up," Freddie and Sam yelled in unison.

"Well Chris was here Sam and Elena totally forgot that she had to go out of town with her parents," Carly pleaded.

"Well where did Chris go," Sam asked with hands on her hips.

"He probably heard that you were his date and got the heck out of here," Freddie joked.

"Well actually," Carly started.

"No way, that is hilarious," Freddie laughed. During all of this Sam remained unfazed since she figured that as soon as Chris heard his date was the "abrasive" Sam he would be running out the door.

"Don't laugh to hard dork, cause I see Elena across the street with some guy and she is giggling like an idiot," Sam said as she turned Freddie in the direction of the other teenagers. "Looks like she heard she was going on a date with the most boring nerd at Ridgeway and went after the first guy available," Sam laughed and mockingly patted Freddie on the back.

"Whatever," Freddie sighed and rolled his eyes, "she isn't my type anyway." Freddie wasn't as unfazed as Sam at the fact that his date ditched him before they had even had dinner, he was actually looking forward to being out on a Saturday night after spending so many at home alone.

"Come on guys, don't let my friends get you down," Derek tried to brighten up the situation. "We can still salvage this date, think about it. We are at one of the best burger places in Seattle, we are going to see one of the best slasher horror films ever made and tonight is the light festival in the park."

"I totally forgot about the light festival," Carly exclaimed and grabbed Derek's hand. "Oh it is always so beautiful I can't wait to see it! But right now I am starving lets go inside and eat." Carly and Derek turned towards the door.

"Whoa Whoa love birds! What do you mean 'salvage this date' what are me and dorkward here suppose to do since twiddle dee and twiddle dumb ditch us," Sam asked with arms crossed.

"Freddie meet Sam, Sam meet Freddie," Derek pointed to each of them when he said their names.

"What no way am I going to be stuck with the nerd," Sam yelled in Derek's face.

"Hey the nerd doesn't want to be stuck with the freak either," Freddie yelled at Sam.

"Look guys we're already here. Derek is right, we should try and make the best of the situation. Anyway it has been forever since you two have been out, just try and enjoy yourselves and not kill each other," Carly tried to reason with the two.

Sam and Freddie looked at each other with disgust and sighed "Fine." _It'll be just like hanging out with the three of us just Carly is on a date. It won't be that bad, _the two thought simultaneously. The group walked into the restaurant and sat in a booth near a window.

**Okay we are finally getting into the date : ) I'm sorry this was short but don't worry, only the first few were short and this one the rest will be longer guys! Review please lovelies : )**


	6. Me and You Next Weekend

**I Do not Own iCarly**

Carly and Sam sat on one side of the booth while Derek and Freddie sat across from them. Carly and Derek talked about how stoned the guy working the Ferris Wheel at the carnival last weekend was, Sam was trying to decide between the double cheeseburger or the double cheeseburger with bacon and Freddie was tampering with his pear phone.

"Do you always have to be a geek," Freddie looked up at Sam's remark.

"Do you always have to be a pig," Freddie said as he snatched away Sam's menu.

"Guys do we have to do this every time we go out. Can you get along just once since Derek is here please," Carly whispered to the two.

Freddie and Sam nodded in agreement. Soon the waitress took their orders, Sam could not decide so she got both burgers, and the group talked and ate. Sam could not start arguments while enjoying her meal and Freddie was debating with Derek about some fencing technique while Carly re-glossed.

"Well we better get to the theater since the movie will be starting soon," Derek said as he pulled out his wallet to go pay for his and Carly's meal.

"Okay, I'll be right back though I have to go to the bathroom," Carly go excused herself and Derek went to the register.

"Well Benson you better follow suit and cough up the dough for these burgers," Sam coolly said to a gapping mouth Freddie.

"What! No way am I paying for you Puckett!" Freddie exasperated.

"You have too. I didn't bring any money since I was suppose to be on a date so be a good boy like your mommy taught you and pay up," Sam mocked.

"Fine," Freddie stated as he got up and went to the register.

"Where did Freddie go," Carly asked as she returned.

"To pay for our meals," Sam replied as she picked hamburger meat out of her teeth with a fork.

"Oh see, you two are taking this whole date thing just fine," Carly smiled.

"What! No way! I'm just mooching off of him since Chris the basketball jerk isn't here to pick up the check," Sam said, straightening her body from its slouching position.

"Yeah, sure you are," Carly winked. Freddie and Derek returned to the table with the girls.

"We better get going," Derek said looking at the time on his cell phone. The group decided to walk to the theater since it was only one building over. Derek and Carly picked out the movie and they sat in a row near the back. Half an hour in Sam whispered to Carly, who was in the seat beside her, "This has got to be the worst movie ever." Unfortunately, for Sam, Carly was too busy lip locking with Derek to reply. "Great, I'm stuck with my best friend sucking face, a sucky excuse for a horror movie and a dork that just sucks," Sam exhaled and slid down in her seat.

"I'm not too thrilled about this situation either," Freddie retorted.

"Shh! Will you two shut the heck up, I'm trying to watch a movie here," a boy around their age turned around and said harshly.

"I'll shut you up," Sam started and leaped out of her seat towards the now cowering boy. Before she could get a good grip, she felt herself being lifted and carried out of the movie. "What is your problem Fredweird! I was going to teach that jerk a lesson!"

"No, you were going to get us kicked out of the theater and make Carly furious for ruining her date," he bluntly told her. "Now sit down on this bench until I get back." Sam started to argue back but he was already walking away from her. When he returned she was sitting down on the bench fiddling with a curly strand of her hair. "Here," he said as he shoved a large buttery bag of popcorn in her lap and sat a large coke by her feet.

She looked at him blankly and he just shrugged saying, "The only way I'll survive sitting out here with you for another hour is if you are shoving something in your mouth." _I will let that comment slide dork only because you remembered the extra butter _Sam thought. They laughed at all the theater lobby drama (a couple breaking up, some guy being caught cheating on three different girls, best friends deciding to become more, friends debating what was the best and worst part of movies) while Sam ate. Soon Carly and Derek came out.

"When did you two leave," Carly asked.

"When did you two start to care," Sam said sarcastically, which got her a small push with Freddie's elbow.

"Well it looks like you two didn't mind, you looked pretty cozy when we came out here," Carly smirked and narrowed her eyes.

"Ew gross," Freddie and Sam replied in unison with light signs of blushing.

"Come on we better drive to the light festival," Derek reminded the trio.

"Yes! I can't wait," Carly shrieked. "Since you came with Freddie and I came with Derek we should just stay that way so we can just be dropped off home after the festival."

"That's stupid because you and I live in the same apartment building and Derek lives closer to Sam than me," Freddie said matter-of-factly.

"They want to make-out some more afterwards idiot," Sam said smacking him upside the head.

"Anyway, I'm sure you two won't mind spending more quality time with each other," Carly said heading out the door with Derek.

"Sam put your seatbelt on," Freddie demanded.

"Why, the park is like ten minutes down the road," Sam said ignoring Freddie's request. Freddie rolled his eyes and leaned over Sam to put her seatbelt on her. His hand brushed against her chest as he pulled the strap across her.

"Whoa Freddie watch the hands," Sam said coolly smiling.

"Like I'd touch you with a ten foot pole," Freddie replied blushing.

"That blush begs to differ dork," Sam smirked.

"Well," Freddie said running out of things to say and extremely embarrassed.

"Just drive boy," Sam laughed knowing she had corned him.

The park was filled with lights. Beautiful golden bulbs sparkled on rows of bushes and lights dangled from tall trees. Couples covered the park in the shining wonderland.

"What kind of festival is this? I do not see a single funnel cake or corn dog stand," Sam huffed.

"Yeah and if I see one more guy propose or couple spin in circles and gaze into each others eyes like they are on some sort of freaking jewelry commercial I'm going to hurl," Freddie said and looked around. "Where did Carly and Derek go?"

"They walked away holding hands after you said eyes with Derek saying something about how beautiful Carly's were," Sam said. "We won't be seeing those two for the rest of the night." She walked over to a lighted bench to lie across it.

"You are probably right," Freddie sighed while lifting Sam's legs and seating himself beneath them.

"Get a load of this lame festival," Sam said sitting up. "It's just a bunch of lovey dovey losers walking around a park that looks exactly the same as it does in Christmas time."

Freddie laughed and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, like it takes covering trees in stringy lights to get you to look in someone's eyes."

"I know right," Sam laughed. She takes Freddie's hands, looks into his eyes, and says, "Oh honey, not until this moment did I realize my feelings for you."

"Yes this beautiful scene makes me want to stare into your eyes forever," Freddie laughed following along with Sam's joke. The two laughed holding hands until they heard a whistling sound from behind them. They turned their hands to see a smiling and winking Carly. As if on cue, Sam dropped Freddie's hands and they turned awkwardly away from each other.

Sam turned her head to look behind her again and then turned to Freddie. "Looks like they are back to kissing each other again so I say we blow this pop stand."

"Sounds good to me," Freddie smiled.

"Have you noticed we have agreed more than we have disagreed tonight," Sam laughed as they walked back to the car.

"Wow you are right, it's weird," Freddie laughed as he opened his car door.

"Let me drive dork," Sam asked while wiggling her eyebrows and smiling.

"No way beast," Freddie laughed and started the engine.

"It was worth a shot," Sam shrugged.

"Put your seatbelt on," Freddie said.

"Why," Sam asked smirking.

"Don't try that again because we live more than ten minutes away from this park," Freddie replied.

"I meant why are you telling me to put my seatbelt on when you want to do it for me," Sam continued smirking. _The look on his face is priceless; he has no idea what to do _she thought. _Like I was going to let him get off easy for that beast comment. _

"Yeah right, like I'd," Freddie stuttered and shrugged.

"Come on Freddork, what's wrong," Sam practically laughed. _This is too funny, he is probably going to break out into a sweat and drive me home as quick as he can._

_By that laugh, I know she is trying to mess with my head _Freddie thought. _She probably thinks I am going to freak out and break the speed limit to drop her off at her house. _Freddie reaches over and puts her seatbelt.

"I knew you wanted to tech geek," Sam continued smirking, "So much for ten foot pole." _Yep, he is about to freak out and I will be home laughing about this in no time _Sam thought. _He is so ea…_

"How could I not when you look so hot in those shorts and that top," Freddie smirked. _By her bulging blue eyes and gapping open mouth, she did not expect that _Freddie thought. _Take that Sam. _

"Nice try Benson," Sam said recovering from the shock. "Just drive."

Freddie drove and was soon in Sam's parking lot. They rode in silence most of the way with the exception of a few minor arguments to prevent any more radio awkwardness. "So much for the big Saturday night triple date," Sam said.

"I know, and it just turned out to be a date with you," Freddie laughed.

"Gross you are right! Besides the love struck puppies that dragged us along it was just me and you," Sam pretended to gag.

Freddie laughed and the car was silent. "Well at least you are not as crazy as eww Shannon."

"And you are not like those jerks who touch my food and try to shove their tongue down my throat at the end of the night," Sam said.

"Dating sucks," Freddie laughed.

"It so does," Sam laughed along. For some reason they laughed harder than the statement called for and continued to until they were both in tears.

"What did Shannon do," Sam asked after the laughing fit.

"Everything she could before I got away from her," Freddie said. "I've never been so molested in my life; she was defiantly hot for me."

"Hot for you, that's hard to imagine," Sam laughed. Freddie smiled and playfully hit her on the arm. _I am putting frogs in her locker first thing Monday morning _Sam thought.

"What about your frisky dates," Freddie asked.

"Frisky is not the word. Like that Matt kid, he was all over me in some crappy parking lot," Sam said looking over at Freddie.

"I always wondered why he came back in a wheel chair after that weekend," Freddie said aloud. _I am so not helping him reach his locker anymore _Freddie thought. They both began laughing again.

"And basketball boy and what's her name have not made a good start up for our Saturday nights," Sam sighed.

"Yeah, we might as well spend our Saturday nights together," Freddie, suggested.

"That's not such a bad idea dork. Dating sucks anyway, so we should just hang out on Saturdays together. We still get out of the house and we don't get stuck with worst options than each other," Sam agreed.

"As long as I bring a muzzle you will be pretty easy to get along with," Freddie joked.

"And even though you are a loser you no better than to touch anything on my plate and you know how I like my theater snacks," Sam laughed.

"So it is agreed," Freddie asked and stuck his hand out.

"Yes mam," Sam smiled and slapped him lightly with his own hand. Freddie laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Well dork, I better get going," Sam said.

"Okay, night," Freddie said and started his engine.

"Well you put it on, take it off," Sam smiled and pointed to her seatbelt.

Freddie unbuckled it and held on to the strap as it made its way back up to the top of the seat. "Yeah, I held it on purpose," Freddie smirked and sat back in his seat. Sam got out of the car and walked to her door.

Monday morning at Ridgeway Carly stood with her best friend Freddie at her locker. "So I was thinking this Saturday you and Sam could meet two more date candidates," Carly said.

"Thanks but no thanks Carls," Freddie smiled, "Me and Sam aren't interested in the dating game."

"Oh really," Carly smiled.

"Yeah, instead of dating we are just going to go out, I mean hang out on Saturdays together. It's nothing really," Freddie said and rubbed the back of his head.

He then insisted he was going to be late for class and if he did not get there soon Sam would have his entire desk covered in some sort of goop. _It is so great how my plans always work _Carly thought as she waved good-bye to Freddie. _If only they new Chris and Elena were already dating. _

**Well I hope you enjoyed it : ) Tell me what you thought about it! I am going to bed since it is 4:09am! **


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